Fear of success is something I’ve self-diagnosed. Yep, I think WebMD said I have all the symptoms.
As I mentioned before, one of my interests is making jewelry. When we moved into this house, the previous owner had a workshop in the basement and I remember seeing it and knowing this would be my new jewelry studio! We just had to buy this house – the workshop would be my Girl Craft Cave!
As you can see, it needed some work. I spent several months putting Drylock on the walls (a thick, sandy paint-like substance that helps stop moisture), sanding and painting the cabinets, painting the concrete floors, and adding new stainless steel cabinet hardware. I don’t skimp.
After sweating over the remodeling details as if I was redecorating The Queen’s bedroom, I was ready to move in.
All I had to do, was unpack my boxes of jewelry supplies and I was ready to go. So what happened? Well, I will reveal my inner dark secrets to you but I warn you that looking at these photos may cause you to gasp or scream, or heaven forbid, JUDGE ME.
2 Years Later:
It’s a tragedy, isn’t it? Tissues please. It became a junk room for anything that didn’t have a home. Some of this is unpacked jewelry supplies. It also became a place for me to throw paper (yep, I’m a paper thrower) or anything that needed to be filed but was never going to make it into the actual file.
Do you still like me or are you slinking over to the phone to call the state psychiatric hospital to have them pay me a visit?
Excuse Alert: See, I’m buried in papers at my cubical job and coming home to do it was unlikely.
Surrre, I filed the papers in their proper files from time to time over those 2 years, but they would just pile up again. Okay, okay. You got me. There is a lot more crap in these photos than paper. FINE.
Why would I do this? Why would I painstakingly go through such efforts to make this room a creative haven only to let it go to shambles?
I just might have a fear of success.
I’ve always hated that phrase. Who is afraid of success?? That seems outright crazy. I would think a person doesn’t have many problems if fear of success is a problem.
But I don’t think that’s really what fear of success really means. I think it means you’re afraid of failure. Fear of success can be about the risk of getting your hopes up and then actually failing and being let down. The closer you get to success, the more you fear you won’t achieve it, or that you will achieve it and everyone will tear you down and criticize what you’ve done. Once you’re at the top, you have to work that much harder to stay there. Is that what I’m feeling?
Perhaps I am afraid of what will happen once I get that room finished. You know, actually have to make jewelry. God forbid. Then if I became successful, could I keep up with it? Am I lazy? Don’t answer that.
Success requires change. Change can be scary. I’ve never thought of myself as someone to not welcome change, but perhaps I’m in denial and have gotten used to my comfort zone.
Do you sabotage yourself as you get closer to achieving your goals? Please share, if you dare! But be careful, I think I hear sirens and the jingle of straight jacket buckles approaching outside my front door.
So – is fear of success really why my jewelry studio looks like I’m a paper pack rat jewelry/craft studio hoarder? I don’t know. Freud is still analyzing his charts.